Yes... Relax. I hope I can go out later... Need to run errands. Actually I feel quite wierd you know.. It is like I am a pigeon trapped at home.
I want to go out.. but I can't.. Not exercise... But to spend my time doing stuff like library, shopping.. just looking around.
Actually, life is short, so I really can't just let it slip away. I really want to have something to do every moment.... Not the compulsion. And certainly not exercising or eating every moment... That I will revert back to my old bulimic Darren.. the evil one..
Just now, my mum commented on me being very thin again..
I told myself weight and bulimia is two different thing. I try not to let this issue sadden my heart. But frankly speaking, there are happy people who are thin and are not bulimic! So the most important thing is, like what my Aunt wil say: must have the correct thinking. That is what is the most important!!! You can hover around the ideal weight and still be bulimic! That is certainly not what I want. I want a recovery that is long term and that is beneficiary to my health... Not a short term one that serves to create temporal happiness to those close to me.
I know it sounds selfish... And I have already broken my parents hearts.. Please give me some time...
Thanks Cui Fang for the conversation just now.. If not I really got nothing to look forward to...
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