I really don't understand why... I feel bored. When I feel bored, I tend to do something stupid. Lucky I kept control of myself... Typing this blog keeps my mind a little busy. What to do? I wanna go somewhere! But do you think my parents allow me? I tried every single bit to control my urges. Right now, I really don't feel like exercising le. So I've got so much free time.But no one is going out with me.... I can't study all day right? Can't face the computer the whole day right?
Honestly speaking... I love weekdays where I have work to do... I need some structure to life. I feel that if I work, I feel more positive and I am more able to seek my balance. I enjoyed my solitude with the cells, enjoyed chatting and gossiping with my colleague and also eating with them, enjoyed meeting and discussing work plans and I enjoy using my brains to think. Can't seem to find this at home. My Marist friends are a bunch of nice people.. But they can only ask me out for supper. I can't play soccer with them. They don't have time for other activities too...
Hey, I wanna be like you all! I wanna go back to a normal life! I want to start schooling too! can you all drag me along to any activities?(except clubbing)
Today, morning was all about newspaper andthen I went to help Daddy to wash car. Daddy seemed a little unusual today. apparently, I assume he is tired... But I think is more then that. Less smile and more wrinkleson his face. I really hope everything is fine.. Maybe he is just stress. Oh.... Maybe it is Mummy who is naughty.
Then, in the afternoon, I went to service my phone at PP. Had my lunch there. Yup I manage to control my portions well and did not overeat. I almost wanted to... luckily I ate slowly and fullness crept in. If not for the decision to service my phone first and also not purging my breakfast, I might be binging on some jolly bean pancakes. I was full already.
Time flies and I went for my First driving lesson after mysecond time failing driving. Wha..! I enjoyed the lesson with this new instructor man.. He is damn patient and cute.. He taught me lots of things to look out for.. Hope I will pass this time. Wha.... So far my records are clean. Except... that I decided to give in to my urges to alighta stop earlier to run all the way back home. I felt remorseful, despite being happy after the lesson. Ok..so I went to buy ice-cream for MUM. Then I confessed to her that I ran. ok man. I tell myself I'vegot to be accountable to myself. No point improving on not vomtting after meals but starting to exercise. That way I will never rid of my ED thoughts.
But I must say I am actually performing quite well... By behaviour after dinner is changing soon. I always have the urge to go toilet after meals.. But these few days, the urge subsided. I kept the food in my tummy. Now I feel less hungry easily.. which is good! I don't wanna go back to the binge purge cycle. It is totally a waste of time! But what do I do now with so much free time... Lucky I choose to write this blog... Later I will go design some questions for my tutee.. Hopefully later I can go somewhere... maybe granny's place? I need a break come on!
Haha.. ok la.. Life is like that.. Don't worry and be happy. I will stay positive. I only have this one life.... Not doing anything is resting....
AMEN.
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