On the highway of recovery...

Woke up late today. 30 mins later! HAHA.. why? Today got blood test ma.
Excited. Yes. But more of anxiety because I will never know how my blood test result will fare.
How would I rate myself? Well I would say definitely it is a great improvement. To sit infront of my laptop to type all these things is definitely a solid evidence. Well I must really thank the team of doctors who really cared for my well being. I know that in their hearts, they really want us to get well and seeing us turning from "radical" to a rationale human being is what gives them the greatest gratification over their jobs. Ms Boon said something which really struck upon me as a very useful way to overcome this "sickness"-Bulimia. She said that the only way to overcome this problem is to come clean with yourself and be open about everything. She commented that the move that I made to email about my present condition to the Singaporean students in Cornell was a bold and crucial step towards healing.
One thing that I learnt today is that eating disorder is a very selfish "person". The evil Darren used to be rude, self centred, exercise-centric, food-minded; everything about myself and no considerations for others. How bad this was! I keep emphasising how scary I was last time. Come to think of it, I am actually quite scared of my past. At that time, I thought I was an elite; Now, I think that was more like a monster.

Now that I can see myself gaining more meat and with my liver/kidney functions back to status quo, I am more and more like a normal person. It may seem strange to talk about normalcy for a human being but that is what I exactly strife for, to seek balance in life and as what Prof Yap said, learning how to manage your life. Darren. You are 21 years old already. Please have your wings (or rather limbs) back. I really want to see myself as an independent, yet sociable Darren!

Frankly speaking, there are few things which really perk up my life right now and helped me to channel my focus to productivity instead of ED thoughts. ED thoughts are provocative, seductive and deleterous.
The Number one is Family Bonding:
-The love and care of my parents toward me
-Motivation and support
-I want my sis to see me as a source of inspiration
-Positive yet frank criticism

The Number two is Work:
-Work at BTI gives me a chance to get innoculated with the "working society" vaccine, ie. it trained me to intergrate with the workforce of Singapore and how to interact with others.
-It fuels my passion for creativity and intellectual expansion
-It gives me a tremendous amount of responsibilty and sense of belonging- It made me felt that I am actually someone useful and that I can contribute!
-It brings me new friends and perpective to life
-Part time work as a tuition teacher is also very very gratifying!- I love to seemy students excel under my guidance, which gives me a lot of satisfaction
-It also trains me to sit still, talk and nothing else... no Exercise ok!
-It give my brain a wake up call to those knowledge that I have long placed aside

The Number three is Friends:
-My Marist friends, TJC friends and people who really care for me and want the old Darren back!
-My friends back there in Cornell, who are willing to accept my apology and still regard me as a good friend. I have a morale responsibility to recover and I must mean what I say.
-Josephine. Why This special friend of mine? She is a occupational Therapist ok! Her Words to me really meant a lot for my recovery and messages that she sent to me were really motivating! can see that she has an innocent heart, one that really wants to see me through this condition.

The Number four is God:
-O'er whom shalt be against thee?

Yeah man! Manage to get back to work and achieve what I set out as my task for the day.
My IDP sample wentinto a flask le! Yeah.. Please.. No contamination please!!!

Ok. Tomorrow is the showdown for ELISA man. Must do well!

Very soon there will be a chart here about thoughts from ED and thoughts from Yoman. Let's see the battle.

for now: FOOD DIARY!

Breakfast (Today's Special): Eggs+Salmon+bread+oats
Snack: an apple from life centre
Lunch: 1/2 a QQ rice ball+ sirlion steak+ small serving of spaghetti+ tomato soup
Snack: 1 slice of peanut pancake
Dinner: Mince meat with yong tau fu+ Onion/hotdog omelette+ Broccoli/cabbage
Supper: Muesli with a pear!